Fake sympathy, or trying hard?

I got an email from my mother today. It said:

“I have just heard you are not well and I hope you will soon be better. In spite of everything, I still love you very much.”

It is hard, but I just feel plain old hurt!

Last week I got a diagnosis of a very rare form of auto-immune disease. Without treatment my life expectancy would be around 12-24 months, it’s pretty nasty, and very serious. Treatment is a low dose of chemotherapy by tablet form once a week, and thankfully I don’t seem to have had any major adverse reactions to the first dosage.

So someone must have passed on to her that I am unwell, no doubt they meant well, but I really wish she didn’t know. After all, I saw her this week at our Christian meeting and when I attempted to give her a hug, she shrugged me off, so I certainly don’t FEEL any so called LOVE from her.

On the other point, she loves me still “in spite of everything”? IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING? What? All the times I jumped to attention, all the times I hurt myself to put her first, all the millions of “I’m sorry” that were said to placate her when I’d done nothing wrong?

While many would tell me that she is trying to be nice and I should run to her for a hug, gushing about how glad I am that she STILL loves me, I do not feel the same joyfulness. I feel plain old hurt.

How dare she? How dare she send me a message telling me that she knows I’m sick, and that despite the fact that in her eyes I’m a bad, evil, terrible daughter, she still loves me.

It should have been a message asking for ME to forgive HER in spite of everything she has done, because she loves me and wants to be in my life. Or at the very least it could have been worded more like this “I heard you are unwell. I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I hope you get better soon.”.

Oh I laugh at myself, my disappointment and hurt is ridiculous considering for 35 years I have known this women, and she has never changed.

Maybe she is really trying hard? Maybe it is me. Who know’s, the only thing I feel certain of right now is that my heart aches in my chest.

4 thoughts on “Fake sympathy, or trying hard?

  1. So sorry to hear your diagnosis. But I’m proud of your response to your mother’s false love. You have grown so much and you know not to take her “kind” words on. Look after yourself. I hope the treatment is successful. Hugs to you. I love your friendship because of everything you are and all that has transpired between us. xx

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  2. How good of her to still love you in spite of everything! (yes, I’m being super sarcastic) That isn’t something said by someone who genuinely loves you & wants to be a part of your life!

    I’m so very sorry to hear of your illness. May God comfort, keep & heal you ❤

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  3. I’m so sorry to hear that you are unwell, you poor thing, I’m thinking of you and wishing you well. I hope the chemotherapy goes as well as it can.

    Re your mother’s letter. Ughhhh I would feel exactly the same as you, that’s a massive mind fuck isn’t it.

    I know it’s easy for me to say this, as an outsider, but I think if she really loves you like a mother should and she’s really trying then she will do more than send one message so I would wait and see what she does next, if anything. Why shrug you off at church one week and send that the next?

    I think when bad things happen people expect us to forget all our hurt and carry on like nothings happened – but it doesn’t work like that in the real world does it.

    I bet now more than ever you’re wishing she could be who you want her to be. When I’m going through tough times (not half as tough as you right now!) I yearn for a loving mother and I have to allow myself to accept the fact, she isn’t one. It’s awful.

    Sending you loads of well wishes xx

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  4. What a sick disturbing thing to say to you. Still loves you?? As in lucky you to still have some sort of heartless monster love you? This makes me sick. Probably because my mother did the same thing! I got a letter. I still love you letter. It was like a pat on the head like i was a dog.
    Your shit mother aside. I am so sorry to hear that you have been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. I legitimately am really sorry to hear that! I am sure that you have been suffering and seeing many doctors to finally get this diagnosis. I hope there is some sort of treatment that will help in some way

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