About a year ago, I went no contact with my Mother.
She had her flying monkeys calling and texting me with abuse. Demanding that I go and spend more time with her, berating me and my husband for not allowing our children to spend time with her. The thing was, none of it was true, she had told them we were avoiding her, but she was avoiding us. We had clashed many times, but each and every time it had been because of her throwing a tantrum when we had not jumped as high as she had demanded, yet we had indeed jumped.
Our children were not spending much time with her, but we had regularly invited her to our home for dinner or for morning and afternoon tea, so that she could see them, but with our supervision. We were not “keeping them from her”. She was the one choosing not to see them, because she was angry with my husband and I and would not spend time in our company.
My mother had mostly abandoned our religious faith many years before, only attending the occasional christian worship, she had said hateful things about many people who had done a lot of kind things for her (but not in the way she wanted it done), and blammed God for not fixing her problems. She was toxic to us and our children spiritually as well as emotionally.
One too many abusive messages and phone calls from her friends, one too many comments about taking care of a widow from well meaning congregation members – it was time to say ENOUGH. I sent her a message telling her that I would be no longer having any contact with her, and let her know that I knew she had been spreading lies about me to others, telling them a manipulated side of her story.
Five minutes later my phone number was changed, and the same for our postal address.
The relief was enormous.
Until,just a couple of weeks later she arrived at our congregation, sitting alone and weeping quietly. My heart broke, I felt so bad for her, standing up I went and sat beside her. I whispered to her that I loved her and she should come and sit with us as a family.
I was played.
I can not read her heart, but the actions that she continues with makes me question the sincerity of her allowing God back into her life. While she comes and sits with us most weeks, she is rude and hurtful in her comments toward me and my husband, she didn’t even talk to me to ask how my oldest son was when he didn’t come one Sunday because he was very unwell.
Still people sympathise with her, drawing conclusions that we are not true christians because we don’t have the happy relationship with her that they have with their parents.
The machinations of a narcissist are so hard to bear.